may 21, 2012

this was a spectacularly big leaping day! do you know what i did? i got on the back of a motorcycle and went for a ride. mind you, it was with someone i trust very much and know is a safe rider and took all the safety precautions like gear and helmets and everything really seriously...but still!

i haven't even been able to get back on a bicycle since my bike accident in march 2011. the last time i tried, i spent the morning weeping. it didn't go well at all. it makes me realize, you know, that sometimes mending can't be approached in a direct way.

i got around the intense, gripping, controlling fear of getting back on a bike by being a passenger instead of driving, by going out on a different kind of bike that feels different and sounds different and by going for that first ride in a different city altogether. these are the things that allowed me to go for it. i was being too literal before: of course i couldn't just get on a bicycle and calmly return to my daily riding habits - especially in the streets of the city that almost claimed my fucking life! as if! that's so clear now.

i'm not sure what the next step is in terms of getting over my block with biking, but i feel so much more brazen now. i feel more ready to tackle it since i got out there and went fast and leaned into the turns and felt the wind in my face and looked up at the wide open sky and remembered why i love biking so much. why i love when there's no steel cage around me.

and that, my friends, is a really good start.